the indelible inks of an intricate homosepian.

2007-12-05T21:00:00.000+08:00

i'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you.
and i need you like a heart needs a beat, but that's nothing new.

2007-10-13T16:00:00.001+08:00

and i wonder.

if everything could ever feel this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again.
the only thing i'll ever ask of you, you gotta promise not to stop when i say when.

breathe out, so i can breathe you in.

2007-10-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill.
and i know i'll be okay, though my skies are turning grey.

these tears are turning me to rust.

2007-08-23T21:01:00.001+08:00

meine liebe:

we've been together since way back when.
and sometimes, i never want to see you again.
but i want you to know, after all these years,
that you're still the one i want whispering in my ears.

you're still the one i like to talk to in bed, still the one that turns my head.
you're still the one that makes me laugh, still the one that's my better half.
you're still the one that makes me strong, still the one i wanna take along.
you're still the one that i love to touch, still the one and i can't get enough.
you're still the one who can scratch my itch, still the one and i wouldn't switch.
you're still the one that makes me shout, still the one that i dream about.

but most importantly, you're still the one i'm in love with.

HAPPY 24TH, BABY! =)

2007-08-21T22:26:00.000+08:00

the following post is solely dedicated to my F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

dear crystal, esther, kie, claire and zsa:
what you did last night was a testament of our friendship.
despite the fact that i messed up your surprise by not being there,
i was damn close to tears when i heard the news from my colleagues!
hence, the early morning emotionally charged text y'all received. hurhur.

our tightness is much appreciated and absolutely adored.
tell me how to cope if i didnt have my sampan "wildthangs" quartet!

I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS, LAH! =)

and now... let's go prawning, indulge in tom yum and peer at babies through the window!

2007-08-18T02:02:00.000+08:00

baye:

i can't pretend these tears aren't overflowing steadily.
i can't prevent this hurt from almost overtaking me.
but i will stand and say goodbye for you'll never be mine,
until you know the way it feels to fly.

if you should return to me, we truly were meant to be.
and i feel your heart will lead you back to me when you're ready to land.

so, until then.

2007-08-15T15:56:00.000+08:00

I ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY LOVE MY SAMPAN QUARTET! =)

life, as i never knew it, is a hoot and i'm loving it.

2007-08-06T21:41:00.000+08:00

baby, i dont know why you're treating me so bad.
you said you love me, no one above me and i was all you had.
and though my heart is beating for you, i cant stop crying.
i dont know how i allow you to treat me this way and still i stay.

when i get the strength to leave you, always tell me that you need me.
and i'm weak because i believe you and i'm mad because i love you.
so i stop and think that maybe, you can learn to appreciate me.
then it all remains the same that you ain't never gonna change.

this something always holds me back.

2007-08-01T13:03:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NURSES' DAY!
especially to my level 4 angels, all of whom i love dearly.
and to my dear CASSVDY, whom are scattered all over the island.
and to those who've been serving and to those who are gonna serve.

i'm finally gonna catch harry potter!
i'm not slow, i just waited for the hype to die down.
now, i can happily make my way down to cine with sissy and watch it. yay!

and to that wannabe:
watch your mouth, motherfucker.
you so do not wanna mess with me.
if you ever, ever, refer to yourself as lois' girlfriend again,
i swear i'll have your beating heart in my hands in two ticks.

oh... and i love you, baye. -insert innocently sweet smile-

2007-07-29T17:04:00.000+08:00

i cant believe i woke up 2 hours ago.
and i'm not even working the night shift!
but i did manage to re-start my social life, just a lil'.

met up with wayne after work yesterday.
(i HATE waiting and she was an hour late. reason, valid.)
anyhoos, i think i dragged her one too many times across town.
THINK OF IT AS ~~REVENGE~~ PUNISHMENT, YO! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

i'm thankful for being a NUM member.
my mini-spree cost me a good fraction of my salary,
and a lesson to note that wayne's a fucking evil shopping kaki!

but i like what i bought. grins.

anyhoos... i made new friends yesterday.
okay, made one new friend and re-made another.
we made our way down to MoS after midnight. how randomly impromptu!
i was fucking VIP, can?! i happily skipped in with a simple wave of my hand.
needless to say, we had one fucking hellva time. and now, i sound like a frog.

i'd put a transvie to shame.

2007-07-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

always weigh what i've lost against what i left.
so, progress report: i am missing you to death.

2007-07-16T12:48:00.000+08:00

the irony of it.

my ex still uses the lil' presents i gave her.
she uses them everyday and wears them, proud.

my girlfriend, on the other hand, chucks them away.
she has them kept in their boxes, in a drawer or just to collect dust.

oh, the irony of it all.
oh, the excruciating irony of it all.

2007-07-09T23:31:00.001+08:00

you know i love you still.
i love you with all my hate.

2007-07-07T18:34:00.000+08:00

devoid of all emotion.
the sun burnt out tonight.

my heart is officially dead.

2007-07-05T22:03:00.000+08:00

another 18 days more.
I MISS YOU, MOMMY! =(
i hope you read this and feel super guilty about leaving me.
MILKA, RITTER SPORT AND KINDER RIEGAL, YOU HEAR?!

anyhoos, i'm finally done with my night shift.
now to enjoy the fruits of my labour. ahahahaha!
then again, if only there were people to enjoy it with.
(FEEL EXTREME GUILT, JOYCE CHUA! pffft!)

what am i to do with a week off?
dad suddenly suggested going to genting (?!).
please, the last thing i'd wanna do is go to damn malay-fucking-sia.

(ahahaha! that's like a pun, lah. how random and unintended!)

i'm tryna make the effort to spend time with baye,
especially since i've got all the time in the world right now.
but it's beginning to exhaust me because there's never results.

all the above is why i seek solace in elson.
only he has the ability to make me forget.

2007-06-27T20:50:00.000+08:00

they should be getting back to me in another 2-3 weeks. i really hope they do and that they do so with good news. i hate playing the waiting game, it absolutely kills me! i'm normally a patient person, but i HATE waiting. hate, hate, hate!

i ~~want~~ need to get outta this corner.

I WANNA GO SHOPPING! then again, shopping in this country is becoming boring. no matter how many times you walk around in town or vivo or anywhere else, the shops arent gonna change. pffft! instead of shopping, maybe i should go on a holiday! haha.

speaking of which, my mom has decided to be cruel by abandoning me to be with her bestie. IN FUCKING GERMANY! baaah! never mind, i'll take comfort in the fact that she promised to go shopping for me. but that aside, i cant imagine being away from her for, like, 3 weeks plus. and she just wants to leave when i'm doing my night shift! eeyer. =(

it's 2 months early, but i'm already thinking of ways to celebrate our 2nd. then again, i'm forcing myself notta plan anything cause i know she'll disappoint me the way she always does. but i cant help but hope she'll try, right? -shrugs-

i need chocolate.

2007-06-19T00:35:00.000+08:00

empty another bottle,
and let me tear you into pieces.
i know you're in-between arms somewhere,
next to heartbeats where you shouldnt be asleep.
we're dropped and well-concealed in secret places.
smash the mirror and break the palm reader's hand.

be my unholy.
my one and my lonely.

2007-06-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

dear love of my life:

baby, you don't know what you do to me.
between me and you, i feel a chemistry.
won't let no one come and take your place,
cause the love you give can't be replaced.
see, no one else loves me like you do.
that's why i don't mind to spend my life with you.

remember -
if the going gets too tough,
run to me and we'll escape.

i love you, baby.
more than you think i do.
much, much more. :)

xoxo,
your j'adore.

2007-06-11T17:33:00.000+08:00

to the numbskull of a brother whom i adore,
HAPPY HAPPY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY! =)
you'd better love the present i got you to death. ha!

work today was absolute shit. for the first time in my life, i had a tension headache. baaah! i hate it when i'm swimming in work and everything just wants to keep going wrong. and all people do nowadays is complain and demand treatment stat. i only have two fucking hands, you bastards! (i was gonna wish disaster upon them till i realised they might end up being hospitalized longer and i sure as hell dont want them around asap!)

today's events also made me realise that i wanna be studying again. i'm gonna tryta get my below-average grade ass into a school and attempt to study proper this time round (provided i do get in). talked to the mother about it and she supports me. so, it's time for all the overseas friends of mine to convince me to go to their school. you may start now.

start now. haha!

anyhoos, who knew yours truly could actually carry off the whole skinny jeans look? ahahaha! i was like: "fuck... my legs look damn long lah!". coolios, fatties can do skinny jeans too. ha! =)

i detest the fact that i'm broke.
the GSS is here and i fucking wanna shop.
murphy is fucking cruel... damn his bloody law! =(

i cant wait for the end of june.
my charmed besties are coming back!
so is my beloved ai-ai (whom i havent seen in 5 years!).

june is the month for reunions. yay!

some puny ah beng ngin na pi emailed me on fridae, asking me if i minded MSNing with him. like, ewww! he so doesnt know where he stands, lah. pffft!

i miss my girlfriend.
fuck her scheduele to hell.
it's robbing me of time with her.

pui.

2007-06-06T21:11:00.000+08:00

i thought i took one step, i took two back.
i'm not even close this time and that's a fact.
all i know is that we'd be the perfect match.
so where you at, love? i just gotta find you here.

2007-05-29T20:45:00.000+08:00

i miss every single person in the photo above.
i miss the gargantuan amount of trouble we'd get into.
i miss our carefree ways and how we didnt give a flying fuck.
i miss how we literally ruled the school and how in awe people were of us.
i miss how ~~arrogant~~ tickled we were when we discovered we had a fan club.
i miss how there werent any cliques, it was either the entire class or none.

i miss secondary school life.

nana once said: "i wish SAC had its own JC or poly.".

come to think of it, SACJC would've been nice. haha.
then, onward to Saint Anthony's Canossian University.

via veritas vita, balls!

2007-05-28T01:42:00.000+08:00

remember when you said that you would change?
don't let me down.

it's not fair how you are.
i can't be complete. can you give me more?

and all i know is,
you’ve got to give me everything and nothing less.
cause you know i'd give you all of me.

2007-05-21T17:44:00.001+08:00

you were my ticket outta here.
and i was your dream come true.
you gave me everything i ever wanted.
except for you.

i convinced myself that over don't mean over.
and i convinced myself that i could fix it all.
two dreams collided.
maybe we got too excited for our own good.

no more - hold on, we can make it.
no more holding each other while the words all break it.
move on, you know we'll be stronger in the end.

now i convinced myself that nothing could ever tear me away.
and i convinced myself that we'd look back and laugh at this one day.
two lives colliding, baby.
we got too excited for our own good.

hey wait hey, don't you know that this is where the whole thing went wrong?
hey wait hey, don't you wanna hear what i have to say?
hey wait hey, don't you know that this is where the strong go on?

all i ever wanted was you.

2007-05-13T23:28:00.000+08:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! =)

i gave my colleagues a dinner treat this evening mainly because most of them were mothers. hurhur. thankfully, the workload today was rather light. so, for about an hour and a half, the ward was nurse-less. ahahaha! our mini celebration in the workroom was a blast and i bet my colleagues are so not regretting adopting me as their god-daughter. haha! bleah.

anyhoos.

i never knew it was possible for anyone to finish drinking 4 pots of earl grey continuously. -looks at ju- but thanks to her, i now think it isnt all that bad. hmmm. (i used to think it tastes like fart. or was that english breakfast?) maybe i'll attempt to drink half a pot next time round. hurhur.

i'm really looking forward to wednesday, because the 5ers and i are gonna rock the town and paint it red. who's with me now? weee! -pulls in all my lovelies and starts dancing-

his name is spencer. and he belongs to JJL.
he's hot and motherFingly adorable, isnt he? -sighs-

so, where's my sock friend?

2007-05-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

and i know it sounds so old,
but cupid got me in a chokehold.
and i'm afraid i might give in.
towels on the mat, my white flag is waving.

i want what i cant have.
but i'll take what i can get.

give me something to work with.

2007-05-03T23:36:00.001+08:00

i got a problem and i don't know what to do about it.
even if i didn't, i don't know if i would quit but i doubt it.
i'm taken by the thought of it.

and i know this much is true.
baby, you have become my addiction.
i'm so strung out on you, i can barely move.
but i like it and it's all because of you.

she's the sweetest drug.

(she's driving me abso-fucking-lutely insane without knowledge,
and i bloody love the way the butterflies flutter and the heart skips.)

2007-05-02T22:56:00.000+08:00

the company's D&D is coming up.
and the theme's an ultimate killer when i wanna shop.
how the hell do you dress up for hawaiian tropical? pffft!
i'm thinking it's gotta be either floral prints or long and flowy.

what say you say what say you?

2007-04-29T23:14:00.001+08:00

a midnight flight to insecurity,
she's making me lose grip on reality.

oh, such beauty!

be still, my heart.
for this love is forbidden.

P/S:
ne-yo's "because of you" reminds me too much of her.

2007-04-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

and i hope you are the one i share my life with.
and i wish that you could be the one i die with.
and i pray that you’re the one i build my home with.

i hope i love you all my life.

2007-04-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

and then, in the darkness, her voice rang out:
"baby, do you think time could force us apart?"

it was right there and then that i realised,
we do share the same fears and insecurities afterall.

eventually, it all boils down to us being the same.
and i'm fucking glad she's never gonna let me go.

2007-04-04T22:20:00.001+08:00

in front of my parents today,
she turned, looked at me earnestly and said:
"baby, how shall we design our room and what shall we put in it?"

i looked at her and smiled.

why i smiled, i dont know.
maybe i smiled cause she wasnt afraid.
unafraid of saying we belonged to each other.
unafraid of saying we were building a house and a home.
unafraid of saying our planned future is officially in full swing.

basically, all she fell short of saying was:
"i'm gonna make your daughter my wife and we'll live happily ever after."

haha.

so when, baby? =)

2007-03-31T19:45:00.001+08:00

my significant other,
makes me feel insignificant.

2007-03-23T22:30:00.001+08:00

dear baby,
HAPPY NINETEENTH!
yes, i still love you obsessively.
yes, you're still very much my everything.
and yes, you're still the one i wanna be with.

` 345 - forever and ever, babe.

=)

2007-03-19T07:31:00.000+08:00

i'm leaving you.

and you. and you. and you.

2007-03-18T04:43:00.000+08:00

working the night shift has screwed up my sleeping pattern (if i even had one to begin with). hence, i'm awake and hitting the keyboard at nearly 5 in the morn. if i was working now, i'd be... let's see... nebulizing my patients. ha!

anyhoos, has anyone seen avril lavigne's latest mtv? WHOA! i think marriage has sexed up her punk image, lah. haha! well, i happen to think she looks nice... hot even. AND SHE DANCES! -faints- see... love does make smart people stupid.

and after 3084823654 years, i painted my nails black. yet, looking at them gorgeous nails now makes me a lil' squirmish. perhaps i've gotten too used to the girly colours of red, purple and every other shade in-between so much so that black now looks rather un-femme. haha! oh well.

i'm starting to get a lil' cranky now.

bye.

P/S:
i detest you right now.
you're a fucker and you know it.

2007-03-09T17:12:00.000+08:00

i beseech all the lovelies who have my cell number to not send me messages that contain chink characters. only because my cell doesnt support chink. it's a european phone, for crying out loud. haha! thankfully, the lunar new year is over and done with. so if i still receive chink texts, i'll know exactly who are the ones who dont read my blog. ahahahaha!

my social life is nearly back on track... thank god for the char bor and the banana. if not for them, my social life will cease to exist! (this also goes to show how pathetic my life is right now!) my charmed ones have upped to down-under and left me all alone in singlish-land. crikey! YOU BOTH WILL PAY... BIG TIME! hmpf.

my interest to fly away has re-surfaced. nearly applied for a U in canada. hurhur. the father isnt all that keen in me going that distance, but that's the only U so far that offers the major i wanna do. how?

we'll see how the boat floats.

MY LOVER BULLIES ME!
i think i shouldnt be all that docile with her anymore. all she needs to do is be on the brink of begging and i'll go all out just to please her. stupid mother F. but she's been exceptionally nice to me recently... saying things i thought i'd never hear ever again. so maybe, i'll just close one eye and busk in her sweetness.

hmmm.

LOIS ONG, I LOVE YOU LAH! =)

2007-02-23T23:57:00.001+08:00

dear L,

before this day ends,
and before you forget again.

HAPPY EIGHTEENTH!

te quiero, mi amor.

2007-02-21T21:21:00.000+08:00

what's one of the saddest things?
the person who used to love you more,
eventually becomes the person who loves you less.
way lesser than how much you're supposed to be loved.

and what's the saddest thing?
you simply cant help but to surge forward.
to carry on loving... to continue giving... to keep on hurting.

2007-02-16T00:35:00.000+08:00

it was just a casually harmless remark that i passed.
and then, i bore the consequences a few months later.

yes, my love had them delivered to my house on valentine's day.

i'm guessing those were sent more to pacify me. =P
you see... a few minutes after midnight on wednesday,
i excitedly bounced into the girlfriend's workplace to surprise her.
as my ass luck would have it, she was swimming shit deep in work.
so, all i was able to do was to pass her her gift and drive myself home.
it's cute how she called me repeatedly just to say how much she loved it.
then, she started nagging at me for spending money on her... OMG! -_-"

i dont care... spending cash on her makes me happy. hurhur.
and now, i shall busk in being happy for a while. before the demons come.

2007-02-07T22:47:00.000+08:00

just came home from the drama centre. caught "multiple personalities disorder". hossan leong's fucking funny, lah! my god, the script's real fucked up. the show's been extended till saturday. so, i strongly suggest you get your ass to sistic and then to the drama centre. weee!

anyhoos, lemme tell you a story about my mother. i was driving and turning down one of those one-way streets in geylang, when the space wagon in fronta me turned on his hazard light and stopped the car. that's stupidly fucked up, judging from the fact that there were cars packed along one side of the street already. so basically, i hadda squeeze in between the wagon and the parked cars. just then, the driver flung opened his door... and lo and behold, it was edmund chen! yes. edmund chen, the chink actor.

me: "wah lao. he thinks just because he's an actor, he can park like that ah?!"

the mother then winds down her window and shouts:
"yo, edmund! learn howda park your car, man! pffft!"

OMFG!

thank god i could drive us away, lah! so embarrassing! the bloody lane was like fucking crowded cause it's one of those lanes lined with eateries. -smacks forehead- and mother dear was so taken up with herself that all she did was laugh heartily and think she did a wonderful job.

-_-"

i crave for ink.
O Great Elson, when? grins.

2007-02-05T22:48:00.000+08:00

there's never a right time,
a right time to say goodbye.

i'll do my crying in the rain.

i'll miss you.

2007-01-26T17:46:00.000+08:00

suddenly, i become a part of your past.
i'm becoming the part that don't last.
i'm losing you and it's effortless.

you were the one i loved,
the one thing that i tried to hold on to.

unknown to you...
my heart's been bleeding and dying a lil' ever since that day.

foolish.

walk away -
it's getting harder to justify.
this something always holds me back.

2007-01-17T23:25:00.000+08:00

a skyscraper built within.
i am elusive and reclusive.

a black deceit butterfly.

2007-01-12T21:30:00.000+08:00

brace yourself before you meet me,
for it's the year of change and significant ones have been made.

call me for a date to challenge yourself! =)

2007-01-02T20:28:00.000+08:00

guess i was right all along.
i really do have noone to depend on.
disappointments despite having no expectations.

it hurt to know you dont regard me as a bestie.

leave me alone.

poof.

2006-12-30T19:46:00.000+08:00

once again, the end of the year has arrived.

and so... like last year and the year before last, i'm not gonna be making any resolutions. why? because i've stopped deceiving myself into making plans that will NEVER be executed. so, i might as well save the time and watch teevee. pui!

and as always, i've grown and learnt many lessons this year.

for eg: in a short span of 3 months, i went from full-time ~~bummer~~ student to full-time ~~slave~~ working woman. that's like throwing richie rich into the streets and demanding he survive with only the clothes on his back, lah. pffft!

now that i've entered adulthood, hopefully i'll start acting my age. that is, until my post-childhood syndrome acts up... again. hmmm. whoever said your second childhood happens when you're a senile senior citizen is a fucked up liar. look at bloody michael jackson for fuck's sake... he's not above 55 but he's already senile! grins. ha.

and like every other homosepian, i had my fair share of ups and downs. even though my highs were minute, at least i had a few happy moments. henceforth, let's not mentions the lows. hurhur.

LK, besties and banana - i've loved you since day 1. now that 365 days have again gone by, let's shoot down the next 365 (the way we always have). whoot! *loves.

so since i've lived through 21 years seemingly unscathed, bring on 22!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y'ALL! =)

2006-12-24T16:47:00.000+08:00

i spy with my little eye,
a lovely bouquet of 99 roses.

how can i ever stay mad at you?

happy (belated) sixteenth!
you alone are my obsession...
we still be the owners of each other's hearts.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY! =)

2006-12-18T23:42:00.000+08:00

1) i'm not heading to bangkok till i'm waaay over 30.
2) i'm never heading to a holiday / shopping destination with my family.
3) i discovered that my parents are morbid homosepians who live to annoy me.
4) i've come to realise that my brother's super sweet whenever my mood swings.
5) i swear i'm never gonna share a room with my sister and my mother ever again.

i fucked up.
and i'm sorry.

i love you, b.
you're still my saving grace.

and i swear, imma love you better.

2006-12-11T21:57:00.000+08:00

i'll be the one you kick it to, i'll be the one that misses you.
i'll be the one to ease your pain, i'll be the one you want again.
you'll be the one i can't forget, you'll be the one that's innocent.
you'll be the one i can't deny, you'll be the one that makes me cry.

despite it all, you're still the one.
the rightful owner of my beating heart.
you know damn well how much i want and need you.
dont just simply give me and my heart away like that.

please dont leave.

please dont leave.

please dont leave.

2006-12-07T22:23:00.000+08:00

` s u e says:
yay... i'll be going tee shopping for rebecca ling ziyi.

reb - *burp* Wasabe breath says:
haha oh man

` s u e says:
omg, i should blog that.

reb - *burp* Wasabe breath says:
o_o with my full name?

` s u e says:
then watch you scurry to hide your face. haha!

reb - *burp* Wasabe breath says:
its okay i am proud of my chinese name.

reb - *burp* Wasabe breath says:
only the prettiest asian women have it.

whatever, reb.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVE! =)
(that's why you're getting away with it.
and having a whole entry dedicated to you. pffft!)

2006-12-06T17:39:00.000+08:00

once a week, i receive a call.
once a month, we get to meet.

we dont hug, we dont kiss,
we dont even hold hands anymore.

blame your negligence for my indifference.

i am the elizabeth proctor reincarnate.

2006-12-01T01:31:00.000+08:00

Miss T currently has the sexiest voice on earth.
hell... i sound like motherfucking fran drescher, lah! =/
thank god for sight and touch cause i cant hear, smell or taste.
and i'm rather impressed with myself, i worked a double shift today!

qs, you're fucking gorgeous and i love you to death. =)

you ask(ed) what i'd like? how 'bout this -
everyone can pool money together and get me my dopod 838 pro.
ahahahaha! okay, i'll accept an already trained west highland terrier too.

no, really. i would.

have i mentioned how much i fucking adore qs?

2006-11-28T23:28:00.000+08:00

excruciatingly painful.
but mortifyingly satisfying.

fucking sweet.

i'm glad i went over to his house.

=)

P/S -
wayne, if you're reading this, you know what i'm talking about. ssshhh!

2006-11-25T22:40:00.000+08:00

the newly rebuilt walls are the result of your negligence.
within these freshly cemented bricks, i embrace my solitude.

damn the circles and squares.

2006-11-19T21:18:00.000+08:00

OH, BLOODY FUCK!

i just heard the GREATEST news and i think i'm going into cardiac arrest!

in the infamous words of the person involved,
"NABEI CHAO CHEE BYE!"

2006-11-15T00:15:00.000+08:00

every time i cry for you,
my heart dies a little inside.

by the time you finally decide to surrender all of you back to me,
you would perhaps discover you took too long and that it's too little too late.

2006-11-09T21:40:00.000+08:00

i was looking through my past entries and realised that my last proper entry was dated august 28th! everything after that was LK-related. yes, my obsession with her is pretty blatant! bleah.

i have so much to say but i dont know where to start. oh crap, i've suddenly forgotten all i wanted to mention. how?

okay, go.

yours truly has finally gotten her very first pair of birkenstock! it was love at first sight even though it's something you wouldnt expect me to pick out. it was so meant to be mine cause they only had it in my size and it was the last non-display pair. eh heh heh.

work's been good and i'm loving my job. despite the occasional annoyances of pest-like parents and how they bug me (no pun intended!)... i love the fact that i can make kids laugh, smile and work their magic of innocence. weee! so now, i'm re-thinking the whole back-to-books plan. hmmm.

one more month to confirmation. -keeps fingers crossed-

i may not have many friends but i sure do miss the few that i have. i hope you feel as bad as i do for not meeting up! you have my 8 digits, please let your fingers do the walking. hur.

and my sick girlfriend isnt doing anything to help herself get better. that blur cock thanked me for LEMONADE when i made her HONEY LEMON. pffft! she never listens to me, lah. if she continues acting hero, i swear i'll cry everyday in fronta her just to make her feel bad. tsk.

it's fucking 9.37pm and i'm already sleepy. WTF! trust me... once in bed, i'll be wide awake till god knows what time. and when i finally do fall asleep, i'll be waking up almost every hour. this has been going on for the past week, can? how infuriating. i think i need sleeping pills.

and i think i'm infatuated with my psychiatrist. oops? -grins-

2006-11-04T19:55:00.000+08:00

a hundred reasons why i love you -

1) you quit your chimney fagging ways for me.
2) you're the only one who manages to keep me in check.
3) you taught me to be a lil' more analytical.
4) the way you steal looks at me (especially when you think i dont see!).
5) the way you make me feel.
6) you let me drive your car.
7) the way you havta make sure i fall asleep before you do.
8) you're the only one i hand-made gifts for.
9) the way you ask why i'm so irritating when i step on your tail.
10) the way you grin mischievously when you know imma be irritated with you.
11) you give in to my materialistic wants.
12) you reprimand me when i get outta hand.
13) you have a knack for making me do things i hate. for example, studying.
14) you strive even harder now cause you wanna give me a good life.
15) the way you upfrontly tell me i'm sexy when i drive.
16) the way you remind me i'm the driving force behind everything you do.
17) the way you sheepishly told me that you liketa brush my hair.
18) it crushes you when you know you made me cry.
19) you have the ability to annihilate my entire being.
20) you also possess the ability to piece me back together.
21) you complete me.
22) you hate to eat the things i love and vice versa.
23) you blow me away each and every time i see you.
24) the way you multi-task when you're toileting. (haha!)
25) you're the only girlfriend i went on a holiday with.
26) the way i can just look at you and you'd understand.
27) the way you effortlessly belt out your songs when you ktv.
28) the way you dedicate the song you're about to sing to me.
29) when you tell me to pay attention to the lyrics of the song you're about to sing.
30) you leave me in stitches.
31) the way you gawked at me when you first saw me with my hair let down.
32) the way you shyly said you think i've become chio-er.
33) the way you bashfully confessed what your thoughts were when we first met.
34) you taught me how to lust.
35) you openly bring me into R21 movies waaaay before i actually can.
36) you make my heart skip a beat when you call or message.
37) you're my happy pill.
38) you intend to marry me.
39) you send me personalized emails that make me cry.
40) you make me wanna work harder.
41) we dont fight or quarrel.
42) you tease me endlessly (and get away with it).
43) you smell heavenly.
44) you're decisive.
45) the way you excitedly talk about our future.
46) you want me to move in with you.
47) the way your kisses taste.
48) the way you hold my hand and stroke my fingers when in the theatre.
49) you're the only girlfriend whom i happily go shopping for and with.
50) you make me wanna perform domesticated chores for you.
51) you're fucking intelligent and you've got great foresight.
52) you're not afraid to fight for what you want.
53) the way you look while you sleep.
54) you get along with my friends and family.
55) you adore my 4-legged extended family too!
56) the way you animatedly speak of chubbi and the cute things he does.
57) the way you'd literally wrap your arms around me while we sleep.
58) your care and concern when i'm sick.
59) your surprises (remember the early morning one last year?).
60) you're the only girlfriend whose birthday was spent with me.
61) the way you lovingly or irritatingly call me baobei and laoma.
62) you're my soulmate.
63) i cant hide anything from you.
64) your clothes have permanent residence in my wardrobe.
65) the way your body language gives you away when you think i look nice.
66) you're family-oriented.
67) we share the same life values.
68) despite our differences, we're completely the same.
69) you make me love you more after every obstacle we overcome.
70) you're capable of making my every worst fear come true, but you dont.
71) you're my rock.
72) you know my thoughts before i even think it.
73) you're the reason i smile / am happy.
74) you're the only other reason i wake up and get on with life everyday.
75) you're the only one who nags at me.
76) your ability to make me subservient.
77) the way you rattle when you're on the brink of drunk.
78) your laugh.
79) you insist you have 2 left feet but i beg to differ.
80) you think i sing beautifully even though i croak worse than a frog.
81) i miss you in-between every breath i take.
82) you appreciate what i do when i do it.
83) you never fail to tell me you love me.
84) no other girl floats your boat.
85) you dont / wont wanna fall in love anymore if i were to ever leave you.
86) you're bent on the fact that i'm your last and your everything.
87) you're the only one special enough for me to wanna get inked for.
88) you pamper me and treat me like a queen.
89) you always put me above you.
90) i'll still tell you i love you even if you made me cry the entire night.
91) you're too good to be true and i still cant believe you're mine.
92) you de-claw crabs and peel prawns for me even though you're allergic.
93) you always let me win.
94) i want you around 24/7.
95) i wanna grow old with you.
96) a lot of my first times were with you.
97) you're the only one in my life.
98) you accept me the way i am, flaws and all.
99) you're everything i ever wanted.
100) i'm the owner of your heart.

a hundred's not remotely sufficient but it's a start.
you know i fucking love you to death already, right? =)

2006-10-25T23:25:00.000+08:00

time heals all wounds.
sadly, so does distance.

i hope you realise its magnitude.

2006-10-20T21:57:00.000+08:00

i remember what you used to say.
that when we ride, it's till the day we die.

2006-10-13T17:17:00.000+08:00

worn me down like a road.
worn me down to my knees.

i did everything you told.
i did everything to please.

i'm afraid to move and i cant breathe.
i'm in love with you, but you're not with me.
my mangled heart and fragmented soul,only you can meliorate.
all i ever really wanted was a lil' piece of you.tell me i'm still the one who has your heart.

this feeling is worse than that of a break up.

2006-10-05T01:47:00.000+08:00

what's the difference between you and me?

i'm willing to drop everything and go the mile,
even if it were to spend 5 measly minutes with you.

and you?
you gave up on the idea that we could've had an hour.

that's the difference.

how much do i mean to you? seriously.

i may have been a bitch today,
but you deserved it.

2006-09-23T00:32:00.000+08:00

"till this day, i'm still so proud of you and us."

so am i, baby... so am i.
we'll just continue surprising each other, aiight?

keep in mind, you make my life complete.

HAPPY 13TH, BABY! =)

2006-09-20T22:57:00.000+08:00

the day i've long dreaded has arrived.
we tried to prevent it with all our might,
but it simply proved too much.

life, without her, is gonna be tough.

i'll miss you.

2006-09-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

if i lay here, if i just lay here...
would you lie with me and just forget the world?
forget what we're told, before we get too old.
show me a garden that's bursting into life.

we'll do it all, everything, on our own.
we don't need anything or anyone.

i don't quite know how to say how i feel.
those three words are said too much, they're not enough.

let's waste time chasing cars around our heads,
i need your grace to remind me to find my own.

all that i am, all that i ever was is here in your perfect eyes.
they're all i can see, i don't know where. confused about how as well.
i just know that these things will never change for us at all.

te quiero, mi amor.usted es la razon que vivo.

2006-08-28T23:49:00.000+08:00

for the past five days,
i've been a really moody and partial bitch.
my bipolar disorder just wanted to go on overdrive.
and because of that, my poor baby bore the brunt of it.
luckily, she has deep comprehension of my inner tickings.
therefore, she handled the situation (and me) extremely well.
sometimes i wonder how unconditional her love for me can get.

have i mentioned how lucky i am to have her? grins.
cause i absolutely am and i fucking adore her to death! =)

and unto an even happier note,
MY MOM GOT ME A TAG HEUER TODAY! faints.
it's the most fucking drop-dead gorgeous piece of accessory!
henceforth, i'm so not looking at any other watches from now on.

my lows are over.
and so, i welcome my highs.

weee! -dances around gleefully-

2006-08-23T00:12:00.000+08:00

of all the memories we've made,
this has gotta be the best one yet.

you're more heaven than a heart could hold,
and the depths to which i love you is unfathomable.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BABY! =)

2006-08-12T22:42:00.000+08:00

I'M BACK! =)

i sincerely apologise to my avid readers... hurhur.
i myself cant believe i neglected my blog for almost a month!

anyhoos...
work's been absolutely gruelling.
with national day being the worst, lah.
i bet most of the mothers held their kids in,
and waited for the clock to strike midnight before pushing.
i HATE dealing with maternity cases... gimme my paeds anytime.

pffft! haha.

and i'm damn glad my comp's up and running again.
it decided to crash a week ago, rendering me (almost) uncontactable.

save for 4 extremely special people.
in less than a week, i met these 4 twice.
you guys know who you are... my heart beats for you.

=)

wayne - thanks for the concern.
came rather unexpectedly but it meant a lot.
you still owe me coffee and a bitching session, please.

ai ai - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? grrr.
i havent spoken to you in like 9173864553897 years.
you owe me a whole lotta conversations, please. haha!
and i've been wondering if you received my message...
the one i sent promptly on your birthday! ahahahaha! =X

11 more days and i'm uber excited.
i just wish time would pass a whole lot faster.

2006-07-19T21:24:00.000+08:00

lackadaisical -
what once used to be important,
is now the driving force behind my inertia.

grey skies and blue eyes.
i'm renouncing all that matter(ed).
and it doesnt help that my happy pill isnt available.

who needs medication anyway? pffft.

2006-07-09T16:54:00.000+08:00

two weeks ago, i had gastric flu.
a week ago, i had a rotavirus infection.
this week, i've been diagnosed with bronchitis.

yes, i'm being plagued by diseases.
AND IT'S THE KIDS WHO'RE INFECTING ME!
looks are deceiving, do not succumb to their cuteness!

pui.

2006-07-08T00:02:00.000+08:00

cause i dont know.
i dont know what he's after.
but he's so beautiful, such a beautiful disaster.

and if i could hold on,
through the tears and the laughter.
would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?

your searing imprint upon my frayed heart.
it's a fine thin line between fantasy and reality.

2006-06-29T02:04:00.000+08:00

it's times like these that i just wanna dig a deep hole...
crawl in, stay there and be alone for all goddamn eternity.

yes, it's times like these that i wonder why i even bother.
cause it feels like i'm fucking stuck somewhere in between.

erewreveyldrahuoyouydedeeninehwerehttnerewuoy.

i'm done.

2006-06-24T18:19:00.000+08:00

hopped into a cab after dinner at b's house.
and had one of the most interesting conversations.
after the cabbie asked whether b was my significant other,
if she was my prince charming and how long we've been together,
he finally stopped beating around the bush and asked me to jia you.

great, even a cabbie's urging me to get married. -_-"

and i found out today how funny bubu is when she's drunk.
once she starts talking, she just rambles on and on and on.
she happily (and repeatedly) wished me "happy anniversary".
thing is... it's not our anniversary today. it was yesterday! haha!
when i told her, she got sheepishly coy on me. then, rambling restarted.

thank you for cheering me up with gallery! =)
and for everything thereafter, baby. -big cheeky grin-
you really tickled me pink. now, i'll plan for the quickie.

2006-06-20T00:43:00.000+08:00

it's only been a week of work,
but i've already taken my first MC.
i've been feeling like utter crap for the past 2 days.
and i'm hoping that everything will go away by tomorrow.

what i initially thought were the simple sicks,
were diagnosed way differently by the doctor today.

MISSY T. HAS GASTRIC FLU! =/

the only relief i got today was from attending my graduation.
i know i was supposed to be resting but i couldnt let cassvdy down.
i'm glad i went... god knows when's the next time i'd see any of them.

say what you must.
just dont say things to make me cry.

2006-06-15T22:16:00.000+08:00

i nearly succumbed to lamentation today.
even more so when the girlfriend called during my break.
it's rather obvious that i'm still not accustomed to being alone.
then again, i highly doubt i'd ever get used to being companionless.

anyhoos, the girlfriend got me the L word.
1 disc down, another 9 more to go. ahahaha!

and to the bitch who's spreading rumours about my b:
SHE'S WITH ME.
SHE'D NEVER DATE YOU.
OR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.
SHE'S ALL MINE. SO, FUCK OFF!

thank you very much. -skips away-

2006-06-10T23:20:00.000+08:00

the news was something i wasnt prepared to hear.
i was so stunned, i just sat there and stared at her blankly.

WORK STARTS ON MONDAY! =(

the girlfriend was dumbfounded when i told her.
and her immediate action took me by surprise, please.
she literally dropped everything and spent the week with me.
obviously, i appreciate everything she's done over the past 6 days.
hell, she even managed to see how much of a fucked up attitude i have.
and yet, she could find it in herself to chase my grey skies far far away.

i could honestly say i'm happy right now.
with everything i've got and am going to have.

wish me luck for monday, wont you?

2006-06-03T17:55:00.000+08:00

this entry is dedicated to JAYSHER.
she's annoyed with me for not updating.

cant believe i havent blogged in more than a week.
now that i'm finally getting down to it, i've nothing to say.
random thoughts. therefore, a brief summary is inevitable.

i've got a job but i dont know when i start work.
i'm flat broke but i just wanna shop (it's GSS, balls!).
i came out to my mom, only to have her say "it's stale news!".
the girlfriend is constantly churning out methods to tie me down.
i'm slowly leaving behind my abstruse interior, to the delight of many.
and people have commented that i've become fair! fuck, i need a tan.

off to play with schmee.
she's my newest bestie, you see.
(born poet, i know. ahahaha! =P)

2006-05-23T03:05:00.000+08:00

firstly - HAPPY 9TH MONTH, BABY! =)
it's indescribable how fantabulous the past week has been.
and after everything, i'm pretty certain we're both a step closer.
coupled with new rings and matching cells, nothing's gonna stop us.

secondly - i'm bloody thankful for r'ai.
i never expected us to be able to talk sensibly and nonsensically.
dont ever forget that imma stick with you as long as you stand by me.

thirdly - the da vinci code sucked.
the movie didnt meet my expectations.
what a letdown. read the book and skip the movie!

fourthly - maggie Q's fucking hot.
and i dont care if i sound like i'm fucking PL.

and lastly - it's raining heavily now, perfect weather to sleep in.

2006-05-18T02:24:00.000+08:00

once upon a time,
there was light in my life.
now, there's only love in the dark.

turn around, bright eyes.
and sing to me of the plans,
that you have for me over again.

the darkness helped until the whiskey wore away.
is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?

2006-05-10T00:49:00.000+08:00

i don't love you as if you were the salt-rose,
topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire.
i love you as certain dark things are loved.
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

i love you as the plant that doesn't bloom.
and carries hidden within itself, the light of those flowers.
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body,
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
i love you simply, without problems or pride.
i love you in this way,
because i don't know any other way of loving.
but this, in which there is no i or you.
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand.
so intimate that when i fall asleep, it is your eyes that close.

2006-05-07T00:47:00.000+08:00

i passed the exams.
i passed my PRCP attachment.
therefore, i have (unofficially) graduated.
oddly, i'm not feeling as ecstatic as i shoud be.

how?

i suddenly feel directionless.
serene and i are planning to set up JGC.
(read: JGC = jobless graduates club)

anyhoos, i went on a picnic today.
needless to say... i had an absolute blast.
i'm so gonna miss the company of cassvdy and xinyi.
hmmm... i'm uber lazy to go into details, so click here instead.

headed down to tampines to meet up with the dar.
no shopping, no movie... just dinner and non-stop bitching.
felt like we havent spoken to each other in like 86217543974 years.

i'm thankful for the company i keep.

there's a light in your eyes.
did you leave that light burning for me?

2006-05-02T17:52:00.000+08:00

falling faster, barely breathing.
give me something to believe in.
tell me it's not all in my head.
take what's left of this ~~man~~.
make me whole once again.

sometimes the one who flies you to seventh heaven on cloud nine,
is the exact same person who shatters your world and crushes your soul.

i just want you to need me like i need you.

2006-04-28T18:23:00.000+08:00

lois ki'ern ong -
she's an absolute bitch, can?
she bullies me and calls me names.
hell, she even thinks i'm a bucket of shit.
LIKE, HELLO! WHAT THE FUCK?

i have a good mind to throttle her, please.
she's bloody lucky i adore her to the highest heavens.
who on earth calls her own girlfriend a bucket of shit?

pffft!

fortunately for her, i'm in a good mood today.
cause i found out that i miraculously passed my finals.
which means that i'm no longer a student at nanyang. hur.
which, in turn, indicates that i'll havta start working... soon.

I'M NOT READY YET!

P/S:
a HUGE thank you to darling r'ai.
for being the only one who truly cared.
a truck load of love from me to you! =)

2006-04-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

i'm bored outta my wits.
so, i stole this off stephe's blog...
for distraction and entertainment purposes.

FIRSTS -
1. First best friend: genevieve, but she was imaginary.
2. First car: wait till all car-related prices drop tremendously.
3. First screen name: blythe.
4. First funeral: my gramps.
5. First pet: a poodle named kim.
6. First piercing / tattoos: 7 and 18 respectively.
7. First credit card: i dont believe in credit.
8. First big trip: made my way to bangkok when i was 5 months old.
9. First music you remember hearing in your house: my dad's singing.

LASTS -
1. Last car ride: an hour ago. wentta pick the sissy up.
2. Last kiss: last saturday.
3. Last good cry: early sunday morning.
4. Last book read: the bitch goddess notebook.
5. Last movie seen in theatres: eight below.
6. Last food consumed: dinner.
7. Last crush: became my girlfriend. hurhur.
8. Last phone call: just came through.
9. Last big trip: bangkok in december.
10. Last shoes worn: black kappa sneakers.
11. Last time scolded: late last night.
12. Do you have a girlfriend / boyfriend: yes! =)

SPECIFICS -
1. Do you do drugs: yeah, but i'm not telling what.
2. What kind of shampoo do you use: pantene.
3. What are you most scared of: being neglected.
4. Where do you want to get married: chijmes.
5. What are you listening to right now: the girlfriend, bitching away.
6. Colors: purple.
7. Foods: as long as it doesnt gimme food poisoning, i'm good.

HAVE YOU EVER -
1. Smoked: nope.
2. Bungee jumped: nope.
3. Made yourself throw-up: nope.
4. Skinny dipped: nope.
5. Been in love: still am. 345! =)
6. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble: when i was younger.
7. Pictured your crush naked: erm... =X
8. Fallen for your best friend: even though i swing that way...
9. Done something you regret: is the sky blue? stupid.

CURRENT -
1. Clothes: fbt shorts and francis house tee.
2. Music: so what - field mob feat ciara.
3. Make-up: i aint a fan.
4. Annoyance: stupidity.
5. Smell: i dont smell anything. haha!
6. Favorite artist: define artist.
7. Desktop picture: it's a family picture.
8. Book: not reading one right now.
9. CD in player: i dont have a CD in any player.

ARE YOU -
1. Understanding: i guess so.
2. Open-minded: i would liketa think so.
3. Hungry: for what? -grins-
4. Moody: 24/7.
5. Healthy: unfortunately not.
6. Bored easily: i'm a saggie. whaddya think?
7. Angry: nope.
8. Sad: not yet.
9. Disappointed: nope.
10. Happy: nope.
11. Hyper: nope.
12. Talkative: on good days.

2006-04-22T01:13:00.000+08:00

R - my refound optic bonbon.
it's amazing how i'm unable to look her in the eye.
hell, i resemble a bumbling buffoon when i'm around her.
i quiver and morph into a tomato whenever our eyes meet.
she patted my lap and i came close to having my face meet the floor.
needless to say, the fact that she's uber phat doesnt help things one bit.
i'll havta admit that she's one of the main reasons i go to work everyday. hur.

9 more days.
i just might pull it off.
wont you agree with me?

P/S:
whatever it is...
I STILL LOVE YOU, B! =)
another 23 hours to our 8th.
say you're as proud as i am. heh.

2006-04-15T18:27:00.000+08:00

i feel -
unvalued,
disconsolate,
and supererogatory.

maybe people dont need me as much as i need them.
perhaps i'll have to learn to accept quarantine over possession.

watching life pass me by in the rearview mirror.
reckon the time has come to embrace friendlessness and aversion.

sand in my left hand, kite strings in my right.
to squeeze or to release - both marvellous choices.

either way, i lose.

2006-04-12T18:30:00.000+08:00

my thumb has taken on my favourite colour.
now i type like a freaking tortoise. so not funny, please!
and it doesnt help that the thumb's an important appendage.

B A A A H !

anyhoos.

i assume. i mistrust. i eschew. i afflict. i underestimate.
appreciation - i'm still learning the ropes from my pedagogue.

power surge ;
it's times like these when i'm utterly grateful.

god, i fucking love my girlfriend to death.

2006-04-08T21:35:00.000+08:00

F U C K !
i typed out a long post and it got deleted.
it doesnt help that i've got a badly injured thumb.

anyhoos.

when you have a good relationship with a patient going,
they'll have you laughing your ass off when they open up.

"do you have a boyfriend?"
"huh? erm... yeah, i do."
"how old are you?"
"i'm 20, auntie."
"it's high time to get married!"
"huh? i'm too young to be married!"
"20 isnt young. get married and have kids!"
"get married and have kids? oh my god!"
"i got married at 18 and had my first kid at 19."
"oh, wow! that's really young!"
"so, you see... 20 isnt young anymore, old already!"
"no lah, auntie... 20's too young to be married."
"NO! quickly get married and have 3 kids. 2 boys and a girl."

haha. how much more specific can she get?
she's so bent on me having 3 kids, namely 2 boys and a girl.
i think she should bring this matter up to LK, please. ahahaha!
(the darling girlfriend wants to have 4 goddamn kids, can? eeps!)

that aside, work's been hectic.
2 weeks down, another month to go.
convince me that i'm cut out for this job of mine?

as if work isnt tiring enough,
everything else that's going on in my life is exhausting.

SUHASRIN HASSAN -
she's a fucking thorn in my flesh.
and she's really pissing me off, big time.
she's lucky i'm a believer in silent martyrdom.
that and also cause friends are edging me to tahan.
remember her name. and slap her for me if you know her.

ohkae, unto happier things.
actually i dont have any happy things to mention.

i guess i'm done then.

2006-04-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

if you havent been paying attention recently,
imma tell you straight up that it's been a rough week.
wish i could say that i dont wanna experience it ever again.
but the business front requires another 5 weeks of endurance.
thankfully, the girlfriend and i are slowly picking up the pieces.

i cant believe the weekend is already over.
for 5 painfully torturous days, i longed for the weekend.
and then, in a blink of an eye... the damn weekend's over. baaah!

meeting up with the dar yesterday was great.
i finally managed to release pent up frustrations.
the main reason as to why we headed out was to shop,
but we ended up walking aimlessly and talking non-stop.
and we're both bloody hyped about wednesday's outing, lah!

i'll finally getta see my baby on wednesday.
i havent seen that cow in a month, can? pity me!

I CANT WAIT FOR WEDNESDAY, PLEASE! =)

i'm sleep deprived.
and it's morning shift tomorrow.
so help me, god!

you're the only shoes that fit.
i cant imagine i'll grow out of it.

2006-03-30T21:56:00.000+08:00

when i think of what i have
and this chance i nearly lost,
i can't help but break down and cry.

in my heart, in my head, it's so clear now.
hold my hand, you've got nothing to fear now.
i was lost and you've rescued me somehow.
i'm alive, i'm in love, you complete me.
and i've never been here before.
now i see what love means.

bottomline - everything's been rectified.
i'm still very much in love with LK and vice versa.

what doesnt break us,
only makes us stronger.

P/S:
i dont understand why i ALWAYS end up with other halves,
who have vindictive fucked up bitches as their ex-girlfriends.
S had the audacity to gimme the look and call LK her laogong. grrr!
i seriously think she's the one in dire need of a fucking reality check.

2006-03-27T21:59:00.000+08:00

so just give me one good reason,
tell me why i should stay.
cause i dont wanna waste another moment,
in saying things we never meant to say.

you no longer walk the talk.
and i'm absolutely at my wits end.
do you know what you want? cause i dont.
i dont even know what's worth believing in anymore.

one more shot?
earn it. the hard way.

monogamy, as far as i know it, is dead.

2006-03-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

there's a reason as to why i dont surprise people.
only because i'm afraid of being surprised instead.
and so, my worst fears came true today. lucky me!

the lies have now become the truth.
and right now, i cant handle the truth.

it's over.
we're over.
everything's over.

i hope she makes you happier.
thank you for finally revealing it to me.
and fuck you for lying and cheating on me.

2006-03-23T02:06:00.000+08:00

i'm glad when i'm making love to you.
i'm glad for the way you make me feel.
i love it cause you seem to blow my mind everytime.
i'm glad when you walk, you hold my hand.
i'm happy that you know how to be a man.
i'm glad that you came into my life.

i'm glad that you turned out to be
that certain someone special who makes this life worth living.

seventh -
you give me butterflies.
my 212 obsession with you.

2006-03-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

enervated -
relinquishment is tempting,
and tranquility aint all that facile.

perplexed.

everything that can go wrong has gone wrong.
only god knows why i'm still giving some flying fucks.

hand me a towel.

2006-03-14T00:20:00.000+08:00

i have a lot to say.

i have nothing to say.

MY LIFE IS OFFICIALLY OVER! =)

2006-03-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

just as my fingers hit the keyboard, my cell rang.

"darling, watcha doing?"
"i was just about to blog about you."

i wonder if her ears were itchy or if she was sneezing before she called.

i always knew how her words have an effect on me,
but last night made me realise their actual ponderosity.
i can be fucking stubborn. but when it comes to her, i'm so docile.
just one word or a simple change in tone is enough for me to comply.

is that good or bad? maybe, it's both? hmmm.

she just called again.
"guess what, some girl just asked me if i was married!".
she's been asked that question more than a gazillion times, lah.
(and i still secretly wonder what her answer to that question is!)

"you may look but you cannot touch. understand?"
how much more humble can my girlfriend get? ahahaha! -rolls eyes-

KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY GIRLFRIEND, BITCHES! grrr.
DONT MAKE ME GO OVER THERE AND FUCKING CLAW YOU!

and i swear, she's bloody silly / funny.

"hello?"
"does your mom play the jackpot?"

what a conversation starter, please! -faints-
but i gotta admit, what followed after was rather sweet.
she's planning our next getaway, together with our moms.
(she plans to chuck the moms at a casino while we go jalan!)

haha.

"i'm counting down the days to seeing you."
so am i, baby... so am i.

in the meantime, I BE MISSING YOU.
AND I BE LOVING YOU TO BITS! =)

2006-03-08T17:00:00.000+08:00

i always underestimate the depth to which i'm understood.
she reads me like an open book and sees right through to my soul.
she taps into my mind to read my thoughts and tugs at my heart.

it's times like these when i hate myself for questioning / doubting her.
it's times like these when i hate myself for being blind to her essence.
it's times like these when i hate myself for losing to my inner battle(s).

char bor, dar, reb and banana - THANK YOU! =)

"for lent, i'm sacrificing girls. i wont ask for their numbers."
ahahaha! that's my brother for you... fucking funny, can?!
i wanna see how long he can abstain from the female species.

and i just found out my chink name was given by moses lim!
ohkae then... maybe i'll grow to like shu'an afterall. ahahaha!

whatever, sue.

JAYSHER'S STALKING ME! haha. =)
only god knows why she refers to me as horn.
and she adores sitting in my seat at the movies.

i hope the next 3 weeks fly by.
cause i share the same sentiments as the girlfriend.

3 weeks without you just doesnt feel right.

2006-03-06T22:24:00.000+08:00

her pretty face glared intensely at me from across the table.
my heart sunk beyond the known 20 000 leagues under the sea.
instantaneously, my laughter died down and my smile erased itself.
incapacitation paved its path after demolishing my blithe disposition.
the impetuous change in my decorum catches its deserved attention.
excuses spill like milk and it feels like the walls are caving in fast.
despite the tenacious desire to construe, the task seems impossible.

wide eyes shut and overflowing with tears.

there's a thin line between truth and lies.
regardless of the countless attempts at differentiation,
i still fall short at capturing its essence. namely, your essence.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I TO DO?
I NEED A FUCKING REALITY CHECK!

help me, please?

2006-03-04T00:32:00.000+08:00

trust B to come up with surprises.
i travelled alla way to freaking boon lay,
only to have her drive halfway back to my starting point.

pffft!

"it's a surprise. dont ask, you have no choice but to go!".
then, 2 minutes later: "arent you gonna ask me where we're going?"

bish! -_-"

next thing i knew, we were in sentosa... at freaking 3pm! -dies-
and i wasnt equipped with my suntan oil and shorts, lah. baaah! =(

anyhoos, the surprise came after i finished grumbling.
knowing how we both have an intense need for speed,
she surprised me by bringing me on the sentosa luge. weee!
even an idiot can come to the conclusion that it was fucking fun. ha!

i think they should ban kids from riding it though.
i hate it when i'm forced to slow down when i'm speeding.
especially when i've got no choice but to follow behind slowpokes.

PUI!

anyhoos... after we were done luging,
we walked up to coffee bean to grab a bite.

we savoured every moment we had.
with each other... and with the view we had.
it was then that i discovered it was too bright for polaroids.
needless to say, that was an utter kill joy. -curses and swears-

left sentosa and headed down to cine.
amazing how we can bicker over which movie to watch.
(twas one of those days we both just wanna give in to the other)
so, we amicably decided on catching underworld revolution. hurhur.

HORN!
i'm damn impressed by jaysher, please.
only because she has my silhouette memorized.
even in complete darkness, she manages to recognise me.
unfortunately, that lil' imp doesnt know howda greet people.
she only knows howda message and wave goodbye. LOUSY!

"why suddenly so quiet? we're not strangers, you know.".
morphed into the antisocial bitch that i am after the movie.
i'm blaming the entire episode solely on freaking PMS. haha.
B and cal hadda sit through dinner with me moodswinging. =X
cal was damn sweet when i apologised for my dumbass behaviour.
i seriously think B feeds cal truck loads of information about me.

I MISS ELISE! =(
it's weird knowing she's no longer just 2km away from me.
who's gonna come to my rescue 15 minutes after a call for help?
reckon i never really realised how dependent i actually am on her.
and so, i'm trying hard to convince myself that 3 months will fly by.

i'm sucha crybaby.

school's coming to an end.
exams are around the corner.
and my lecture notes look brand new.
maybe i should smudge them pages with teabags.

haha.

2006-02-26T16:05:00.000+08:00

i just realised how vile my mood has been recently.
the most trival matter can trigger off a major mood swing.
i think i needta restring my utterly disgusting emotional wires.

B just called with good and bad news.
but in my perspective, i see both as bad.
clashing work schedueles seriously suck balls, lah.
i detest going weeks on end without any piece of you.

baaah!

i feel abandoned.
up and leave, why dont you?

double baaah!

i'm postponing my re-wiring.